As a stay-at-home mommy of two amazing little boys, I find that I have mommy guilt all the time! Though my mommy guilt isn't from having to work and be away from them, because I'm a stay-at-home mom. I know most moms wish they had the luxury to be stay-at-home moms, but I just get so overwhelmed sometimes and feel that I emotionally shut down and am just too exhausted to play or run around the house all day with my kids. Many times, I'll turn on some cartoons to chill my 2-year-old out and I'll put my 5 month old in his bouncer so I can just sit and escape to do something for myself for a moment.
That's actually when I decided it was time that I start a blog, because I was going bonkers without having a job. Everyday is practically the same routine. Get up and make breakfast, drink my coffee, turn on Nick Jr, clean up the house, and a lot of times I will try to do fun, crafty things with my 2-year-old or play batman, but then the baby starts screaming and I have to feed him again or play with him because I know he's at an age where it's important that I give him plenty of attention also.
I try to go outside to let them get fresh air, but at the same time, I don't want them getting sick from the cold. Some days, if it's just way too cold out, I will take them to McDonald's so that we can at least get out of the house and the little guy can run around and have fun with some other kids for a change. I almost feel selfish, because I always feel like I need more time for myself, to do something for ME for a change. But then when I do that, I feel guilty that I'm not playing with the kids or I feel like I'm a bad mom because I put them in front of the television and let them eat McNuggets, when I swore I would never be that mom.
I know I'm not giving myself enough credit here, because I do so much with them during the day, but to me, it's never enough. And my husband helps for a bit when he gets home from work, but then instead of spending quality time with me once the kids are in bed, he's busy playing video games with his buddies all night. Are there any other stay-at-home moms who have this issue? You just never feel like your doing good enough, but you're trying your best to be the best?
I guess as women, or mothers in particular, we are just wired to always expect more from ourselves. If we are working moms, then we are constantly putting ourselves down for not spending every waking moment with our children. If we're stay-at-home moms, we disappoint ourselves when we are having an off day and just aren't able to give it our all. I'd love nothing more than to sleep in until noon, just once and not feel guilty (my husband practically gets to do this everyday and it makes me green with envy).
My husband is great though and he did offer to watch both the kids this past weekend so that I could have a much needed night out with the girls for dinner and drinks. But the entire time I was out, I had that knot in my stomach, where I felt like a bad mom for enjoying myself, without being there with them all night. Is this a never-ending cycle of guilt or does this go away with time?
